Archive for February, 2013

Friends

Friends.

That surely is a tough topic that I don’t really wanna put my finger on. Nope. Yet to think about it, I barely have any friends, and my “so called” friends don’t really match with the definition of “friends” I have for my own.

I think it’s all about how each person perceives the meaning of “friendship”. Some just easily call anyone who talks the same language and get the same jokes their friends. Indeed, they could have several “best friends” without feeling any tingle on their tongue saying the word. Some would have a narrower social life, have some friends and one or two best friends whom they tell everything and understand everything. Some even more reclusive, have the smallest count of friends but still they do have some.

And after all that three categories, you’re left with people like me. Those who have no slightest idea of how to socially communicate and “make acquaintance”. I saw it clearly when I had to stand at the reception at the university event. It was cruel and brutal and I was totally lost. We were in the same room, speaking the same language and laughing at the same jokes but I never felt so aliened.

I do communicate, I understand what people say to me and what I should say in response. But what I don’t get is what they call “the social small talks”. I don’t gossip and have no interest in putting my nose into other people’s lives, not to mention judging them. But that’s what keeps the conversation going when you’re coming to a mingle or a social mix up. When I was standing there squeezing my brain out to find what to talk about, people just simply stroll around and talk about things that don’t necessarily link together.

I’m outcasted like that.

And friends? Of course I have “friends”, or that’s what they claim to be.

I don’t know anymore, because the closest persons I might call friends are like, always make me feel bad about myself. And they don’t even seem to care. Maybe they’re just looking for a companion, since they claimed to “have no friend”.

Funny how they can be friendly with everyone, anyone, and claim to have “no friend at all”. But criticize me for not being friendly or “social” enough. Of course I know that would cost me issues when I go out and work in an office environment, but why keep making me feel like a loser? If in your view I’m that incompetent and impotent then why bother keeping me companion?

I don’t see any special thing about our relationship. I’m just the plaster you used to fill up the crack caused when your “bestie” went away.

And I’m not even cement, I don’t cling to that.

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